Originally published here – the personal blog of Antoinette Cabral, a Sensual Lifestyle & Relationship Coach for Women.

In the dating world today, it can often be difficult to figure out if someone is the “right” match.  So often the questions come up, “Am I expecting too much? Will I never be satisfied? Should I settle?” Since I never suggest settling, I created a theory that may be helpful for those who are trying to figure it out…to start, there are 2 main questions that one should ask him or herself when questioning forever with a mate.

  • Who is this person in relation to the real world?

What do they do? How do they act? What is their life like etc.? This often turns people on or off prematurely.  i.e. “He is a doctor and loves kids! We are perfect for each other!”

  • Who is this person in relation to me?

What is your actual connection like? Do you connect in some or all of the ways that are most important to you? This is where my “Fundamental Five Theory” comes into play, because often times people “jump in” or reject prematurely based on the type of connections they may or may not have.

“Who is this person in relation to me?”

I think that each person requires a certain level of connection in each of the following areas to be truly satisfied in a relationship.

The Fundamental Five Ways to Connect with your Partner

  1. Intellectual: Can this person connect with me intellectually?
  2. Emotional: Can this person understand/handle my emotions? Do I feel comfortable sharing?
  3. Spiritual: Does this person share or respect my spiritual/non-spiritual beliefs?
  4. Chemistry: Does it feel natural and enjoyable to be in each other’s physical presence?
  5. Lifestyle: If I were to be dropped off into his/her “world” would it feel comfortable? (i.e. culture, eating habits, sleeping patterns, cleanliness, social habits, health, hobbies, etc.)

“Why doesn’t this feel right?”

Often people start a relationship based on the excitement that comes with idealizing a person’s “real world achievements” or connecting in only a few of these five ways.  After some time however, if all five of these connections aren’t satisfied, it can often leave someone wondering what went wrong, whereas in truth they didn’t find someone who satisfied all of their connection needs to begin with.  Clearly there are many other elements that influence our own ability to be satisfied in general, but finding someone who is highly compatible will definitely make things easier!

Therefore, when looking for the perfect match it is of the utmost importance to find someone who:

  • Relates to the world in a way you value and enjoy
  • Satisfies all of your Fundamental Five connection needs

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Jasmin Terrany, LMHC

Jasmin Terrany, LMHC has a Skype based private practice empowering women who appear to have it yet still feel unsatisfied on some level. She helps women access their ultimate potential and take their lives to the next level in every realm. Jasmin is a Columbia University graduate and licensed psychotherapist who invented Life Therapy, the combination of psychotherapy & coaching with mindfulness & meditation.
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